Beauty: Outside or Inside?

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.”
― Audrey Hepburn

Beauty.

What makes a girl or woman beautiful? Many people think that it has to do with clothes that she wears; the latest trends can set her apart from the rest of the pack. Maybe she thinks that if she wears less clothing, then she will be considered beautiful.  Thus, she wears short skirts and tight shirts. Impressing boys, or perhaps girls, is what she seeks….a constant hunger for the world of beauty.

But does that really make her beautiful?

Beauty is not just about the clothes or the body. Beauty describes the heart and the soul as well.

Beauty should be defined by her self-respect.

Sometimes self-respect is hard to find because people have varying ideas on how to respect their own bodies, souls and minds. A certain amount of females may think that it is perfectly acceptable to don barely-there outfits in various public places. Other females may feel that practice is quite intolerable.

Women should be independent. Women can do everything men can do. But

Look at it this way: If one were a mother, would that mother want her daughter in a scantily clad outfit or acting like a sex object? Is she being a good role model?

That may sound silly because one’s whole life can’t be determined on how they would act as a parent, but nonetheless, most people do wish to set a good example to those around them, including children.

So, what kind of example are we ladies setting for our future ladies we will raise?

My boyfriend calls me beautiful every single day. He likes seeing me in dresses. He likes seeing me in nothing. But he really loves it when I wear his oversized clothing.

Yes, his oversized hoodies and sweatpants. He loves it when I wear those things.

Ladies, while scantily clad clothing in public is a choice you may decide to make, it does not really make you any more beautiful or confident. Personally, I feel it only attracts the types of men a woman will never, ever in a million years want to marry. Gentlemen like real women, assholes like anything less. But nonetheless some women still choose to dress as such and I kind of feel sorry for them. If a female feels like she has to put on bustier or next to nothing to be sexy or beautiful, she hasn’t met a real man yet.

And most of all, if a girl is putting on such clothing for someone else, she really needs to do some soul-searching. Because girls don’t think, “Hey I want to put on this next- to- nothing outfit because it shows how self respecting I am.” Girls tend to think, “If I dress like this, guys will like it and want to hang out with me.”

No, all guys will want is sex. A girl is kidding herself if she thinks otherwise. No talk about marriage ever started with a guy meeting a girl in a bar with lingerie or a micro mini on. That’s how booty calls start.

One that is truly beautiful does not need to be told that she is beautiful. She should already know. Dressing to show off in a risqué manner just proves she is bound by chains that men hold. Because let’s be honest, a true beauty would look amazing in a parka because she knew she was beautiful. And only when a woman realizes she does not need that approval will she truly be free of those chains.

Dressing provocatively is not terrible either. I do believe there is a time and a place for it. I do believe that time in place is in the bedroom. I do believe that if a girl decided to take it outside the bedroom, it is not in confidence, despite what others may say. I think it’s for male entertainment and for attention; hence she is bound by the chains of a male society.

But I think also that this is where the transition of girl into woman comes in to play.

Girls dress for guys. Women dress for themselves. Girls fall all over guys. Women know they don’t have to. Girls complain about their bodies. Women carry themselves with pride.

Ms. Hepburn was right: True beauty and confidence comes from the eyes; eyes can penetrate the soul. A female’s real beauty is found in the way she looks into your eyes. One can see her soul, her life story, her secrets.  True beauty comes from self-respect; the kind of respect that a grandmother can teach. The kind of respect that only comes from within, not the boy one is dressing for. True beauty comes from knowing one’s self.

So the next time you think about the choices you make, think about all the future ladies, some that you may give birth to, that are depending on you to show them how truly beautiful they are.

Set them free and don’t let them down.

Born To Be Brave

“A dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep.”

For years the Disney company has dominated the world with its movies, theme parks and values. One of the most prominent parts of the Disney company is the Disney Princess.

Officially there are ten Disney princesses: Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Jasmine, Ariel, Pocahontas, Tiana, Mulan, Belle and Rapunzel. Each one has their own story and personality, but they are each either a princess by birth or marry the prince. From a young age girls are taught to believe in true love and that the perfect prince will come along.

But love isn’t always perfect; it takes patience and understanding. Disney shows the romance, but it rarely shows what happens after the honeymoon.

Disney has broadened its horizons in the last fifteen years, give or take a few years. Jasmine went against her expectations and married for love instead of settling for any old prince that came her way. Pocahontas gave up her love to allow him to heal and to lead her people. Mulan kicked some serious butt and saved China from the Huns, even though females are not regarded well in that culture. Tiana got her dream restaurant and worked hard to get what she deserved in a time when things were not easy for her race. Rapunzel ventured out and reclaimed her crown and saved her prince’s life.

The common denominator in all ten princesses is that they do end up with the prince.

So….
What happened to women’s rights and being independent?

Enter Princess Merida, who one can only hope will be added to the official line up.

Merida is unlike her counterparts: she has fiery red hair that is constantly untamed, she is an archer and likes to hunt and, most importantly…

She is in no rush to be married and find her prince.

That is certainly a deviation from the traditional princess little girls are used to, and quite frankly, that’s an excellent thing. Girls need positive role models, and while finding love is a normal part of life….

It isn’t the only thing worth finding in this life. It gives the girls that are lonely some charisma because they can finally realize that it’s okay to be your own person first. If a girl can value herself and find her own niche, she can survive in the world and she can do it on her own.

Merida does not have perfectly flowing hair, which gives all those girls that wake up every morning pleading for perfection someone to relate to. Curls aren’t perfect; they go whichever way they please and expand in the humidity. Finally, an imperfect hair-do on a princess where so frequently perfection is seen.

Merida shows the world that in order to be strong, she needs to find herself, and no man can do that for her. Merida gives all the girls that think they aren’t perfect some hope that beauty is more than superficial things. Merida shows all those single females that it’s okay to be single because you can still do anything you want and live fully.

Disney should make Merida an official princess if the company hasn’t decided to already. It’s time that the females of the world have a non-traditional princess to look up to. Love is an amazing and powerful thing in this world. If a girl finds her true love, then it’s a great thing.

But as Merida showed the world,

It’s not the only thing.

To Ring, or Not to Ring

“Are you engaged?”
“Yes I am.”
“Do you like your diamond?”
“Yes I do”
“Well I can buy you a bigger one.”

If there is one thing certain about the bar business, it’s that more often than not someone is going to try to hit on the bartender. A female bartender is especially vulnerable because she is generally treated as more of a object of service than a man would be in that position. There’s always someone to contend with. Always.

But where exactly do men draw the line when it comes to hitting on females?

I wear a ring on left ring finger that my boyfriend bought me. It’s a promise ring, not a technical engagement ring. I see it as a promise nonetheless.

But what is surprising is how many other men don’t see it as an obstacle at all.

I work in a small bar called Cougar’s Lounge in my hometown. My mother is the owner of the liquor license and we rent from the hotel that bar is inside of. Working for her is difficult; there are more expectations to live up to when you’re the owner’s daughter. There is more responsibility as well. With that being said, because of the bar’s location being in a hotel, I meet people from all over the world and of different means. I get hit on by men and women, but more men hit on me. I’ve met hundreds of men since I started wearing a ring in January of this year.

There are a few different types of men that hit on me: the respectable man, the man that throws his money around and tries to win me over, the man that threatens my boyfriend with bodily injury, and last but not least, the stalker. I really do not have a lot of respectable men that hit on me. So they really aren’t worth discussing at length. The last three have one thing in common:
The ring doesn’t matter to them.

•The Money Man•
My rings are beautiful and the thought behind them is lovely. I say rings because my boyfriend has bought me three and I’ve worn two for an extended period of time on my ring finger, the latest being my most favorite.

Out of the men that have hit on me, approximately 79% of them have tried the money route. They have promised me a bigger diamond. They have promised me designer purses. They have promised me vacations to foreign countries.

In other words, “My money should be able to buy your love.”

Last time I checked, love wasn’t about money. Also, if a lady is wearing a ring on her ring finger, a man shouldn’t try to weasel his way in. That’s how I was raised. Love is more than the diamond worn on the ring finger.

So why do some men feel that they can degrade such a symbol by promising a bigger one?

I would be speculating but I think it has something to do with them being very insecure with themselves as people, so they flaunt money to attempt to get a woman to be with them.

•The “Punisher”•
One thing I have noticed about the male species is that they are constantly trying to out do one another. Thus, the fighting man comes into play. I would say about 20% of the men that hit on me are violent and try to either: threaten my boyfriend, threaten another guy in the bar or actually fight another guy in the bar.

Once again, the ring means nothing; but they want to prove their worth nonetheless. I have had two guys start fighting each other over who got to talk to me even though I told them I was unavailable. And they asked about the ring too, and I told them what it was…. But still, they didn’t care.

It makes me wonder what these men actually do care about. It makes me wonder how they would feel if they had a woman at home that was constantly getting hounded. Maybe guys don’t think about that, but maybe they do.

•The Stalker•
He called for my schedule.

He would drive 1000 miles just to see if I was working.

He told his coworkers he loved me.

He.
Was a serious problem.

Ring or no ring, I feel this 1% would have tried anything and everything humanly possible to be with me. He even made up a relationship that did not exist, except for in his brain that is. It didn’t matter how mean I was toward him or how much I ignored him, this guy was determined to make me his.

It didn’t work and thankfully I haven’t seen him in awhile.

But possession, fantasy…. What wires these types of men?

The fact that they don’t care about the ring on my finger is one thing, the other is that they find pleasure in drinking exorbitant amounts of alcohol. They don’t like being cut off, that much I do know. They have a tendency to get angry and feel betrayed when that happens.

Liquid courage can be a bad thing. I’ve found that most people can radically change when they drink alcohol, especially when they mix various types.

But how don’t they see it?

So, for now I will continue to wear the ring, and continue to try and figure out why some men don’t see it as the symbol it’s supposed to be.

The whole saying “If you like it then put a ring on it” still holds clear in my eyes. The song doesn’t say anything about the size of the ring….

Or that if she already has one you should try a bigger one.

Some Things Are Certain

One year can change a person’s whole life.

I remember being a freshman at DuBois Central Catholic High School and sitting in Biology with Mrs. Chollock.  When I think of the class, I don’t remember the various organisms I studied.  Granted, I did do a lot of things like:  I dissected pigs and frogs, made DNA out of gum drops, learned about cyanobacteria and grew bacteria.  But I remember her saying something that stuck with me more than any of those things,

“Nothing is as sure as change.”

She said it numerous times throughout the duration of the school year. However, I didn’t understand the gravity of the statement until I journeyed into adulthood.  This brings me to the subject of a year and how a year can change things.

Many people have heard of the musical “Rent.” There is a whole song devoted to measuring a year. There are 525,600 minutes. There are seasons.

One year.

I didn’t picture my life where it is now a year ago. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted, but I do know that I have changed a lot this year.

People change and sometimes that can be good or bad, but nonetheless it’s part of growing up.  The late nights spent pouring out feelings to friends can sometimes disappear. Driving around town just to get out of the house is replaced by sleep because of heavy work schedules.  Talking about dreams and hopes on Saturday nights doesn’t happen anymore because the other person is changing his or her life.  People change: They grow up, they grow out…

Sometimes, they grow apart….

Part of growing up is changing. Sometimes you realize that the things you wanted when you were 19 are not the things you want now. Sometimes the friends you have realize they want different things too.  Sometimes friendships get put on the back burner to make dreams come true.

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that people will come and go. That, like change, is certain. Some people stay, but nonetheless, people will always be going out of your life. It’s just how it is. Some people come in and stay for a while…

I fell in love over this past year and I didn’t think that was possible.

I had to learn how to be a girlfriend, and even over a year into the relationship, I’m still learning every day.  Some days I am really good at it, and other days, I am terrible at it.

But that’s one relationship I don’t want to go away, and I’m hoping that it never does. Though, I could be bold and say I’m secure and that it’s not going anywhere, but then I would be lying slightly.

Relationships change people. Dreams change people. And when you can find someone that doesn’t want you to change your dreams, you should hang on to them. I am lucky enough to have someone that does not want me to change my dreams and encourages me every day to go after them.

Hold on to those dreams and the people that support them. Be content with those that go after their own dreams and can’t be there for your dreams. Change is inevitable, but sadly, it is necessary. Don’t be apprehensive to change, because there is no stopping it. Get used to changes, because just when you think you know someone, they will change.

Be okay with change, and expect the unexpected. Otherwise, life will never be truly meaningful.

(Not So) Great Expectations

If there is one thing certain about this life, it’s that at some point people are going to fail to meet expectations. This will then cause disappointment and anger to arise, which is perfectly natural.

So, as a Penn State student, I can say that Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno and everyone else involved in this scandal plaguing the media did not meet my expectations.

But, Penn State as an educational institution of students did not fail my expectations.

I love football, but I only love pro football. I don’t like college football at all. I went into Beaver Stadium once and I never went back. I was there for the Blue and White game, so I didn’t even pay to get in. I was bored and it rained. I went because it was a time to party and have fun with friends, I didn’t even watch the game.

Up until the allegations were brought into the spotlight, I didn’t even know who Jerry Sandusky was. I knew who Joe Paterno was and that was the extent of my Penn State football knowledge. I only knew of Paterno because of how the media portrayed him: a football legend. From the time I was little, that’s all the media did. He was put on a pedestal. Arguably, he earned it.

And, as many saw, he fell from that pedestal.

Deep down, Joe Paterno was human, and that means he was liable to make mistakes. In this case, he made a big one. He decided to protect the face of a football program rather than children. Many people from his upbringing would have chose to keep a situation hush hush as well. I agree with the decision to keep the situation under wraps. I would not have done it, but I understand why he chose that. Where the problem lies, is that he continued to allow Sandusky near children. It’s one thing to deal with the situation, it’s another to pretend it doesn’t exist. In turn, Joe Paterno let people down.

Now, let’s make this distinction. Joe Paterno let those kids down. He did not let anyone else down because no one else is personally invested in a relationship with him. I didn’t know Joe Paterno so I can’t say he let me down personally. Am I disappointed by the situation? Yes. But I wasn’t involved. You could say he let the media down because the media so frequently put him in the spotlight, but ultimately he didn’t let anyone down but those children.

People everywhere have thus started a war on Penn State. This war is waged with the institution itself, the football program and the alumni that attended the university.

The institution will be dealt with however officials deem, as well as the football program. Then all that can be done is to move forward.

The alumni and students will hopefully be left alone.

I have read countless, poorly written news articles about the scandal all over the Internet. The language is inflated and inappropriate for how news is supposed to be written. News reports are supposed to give facts and not give opinions. However, I have found a good amount of supposed news articles with opinions that should not be included because its unethical to have said opinion in the story. When I read the comments on these stories, I begin to get frustrated.

“All of you alumni are pedophile supporters”

“Rip up your diploma from Pedo State”

“All the alumni care about is football. They should pay restitution for the victims!”

Is this really what the world has come to? Really? Since when did the actions of a few people determine the attitude of a whole student body? And it’s not like it’s the victim’s families saying this, it’s people that have nothing to do with the situation.

I think I already made it clear I don’t care about the football program, but I do care about my degree and the students I went to school with. I already owe the state of Pennsylvania money, I’m not paying a monthly fee for something that happened because of a few individual people. I won’t rip up my diploma because I earned it. I went to school for four years and some semesters I was up studying all night for tests. I didn’t go out and party all the time because I had too much studying to do, or I had another news article to write. I was on the staff of Valley Magazine and was writing and promoting for things I wrote and for things my fellow staff wrote. We worked hard for that. I went to THON and was on the committee as a sophomore.

I will not be defined by a series of poor decisions made by people older than me. I went to school to learn how to make better decisions. I went to school to make my future brighter. I didn’t go because of football. I didn’t go because of Joe Paterno. I went because I wanted to make a difference. The students and alumni of Penn State went to there to try and make a difference. Everyone damning us, what exactly have you done? All of you are fully capable of accusing us of something we had no control over and by telling us we should be ashamed. The past is unchangeable and all anyone can do is move forward. But don’t hold students and alumni accountable for the actions of people that were supposed to make better decisions.

By all means, expect a lot from us.

Because unlike others, we won’t let you down because we know what it’s like to be let down and have to suffer unjustly for it.