Life Lessons, Women

Broken Monsters

What are you thankful for this holiday season?

I’m thankful for my broken family and friends.

A broken family, what an idea.

Everyone has a father; that male person that made you who you are today.  Everyone has a mother; that female person that gave us life.

So what happens when we don’t have one of those parents, or don’t have a family?

A family is many things nowadays; single parents are becoming more popular than ever.  I’m a product of a single parent.  I don’t take it for granted either.

My dad abandoned me when I was roughly 13 years old.  However, he has been in and out of jail since I was eight.  He is a crack/cocaine addict.   With that being said, I know that having one parent is hard and sometimes even damaging, but know that it is possible to survive, even if you’re in my position and you’re abandoned by choice.

When I was in high school, I put on a happy face; pretended nothing bothered me and ate myself into silence (literally, because I gained a lot of weight in high school).  I didn’t want anyone to know. I felt ashamed.  I had been friends with this girl named Kimmy, and she helped me through my problems.  I thought I could get through it all if she could guide me…..

That was until July 13, 2007, when she died in a fire.

For the past three years I’ve been walking a fine line; the line between how I feel and how I’m forcing myself to feel.

I thought I’d buried my dad behind me; thought I had buried the pain of her death behind me.

Until tonight.

I realized being in a situation like mine leaves you with more questions than answers.   My dad left me by choice, his choice to be exact.  So the lingering question is: Why wasn’t I enough for him to stay?

I guess Kimmy helped me see through that; helped me realize it wasn’t my fault.  But without her, the abandonment has just gotten more complicated, and it’s transferred over into my life as a whole.  I wonder why he left and why he decided he wasn’t happy.  I wonder what I could have done differently.  I wonder why I’m never enough, and why I never will be for him, and, as of late, any guy I’m ever interested in.  I’m not good at dating and chances are I never will be.

So tonight, I left a crowded bar.  I was pretty content before I left, but deep inside of me a hole ripped open and I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried.  Something escaped that hole and stood beside me.

There it was, staring at me, the monster: the one that said, “You’re not going to be good enough, so why even bother?  It’s always been this way.  Just accept it.”

So, now the question is, “Is the monster right?”

Life Lessons

Humanity: A Web of Destruction

People commonly say, “Dog is man’s best friend.”

Yet there are many individuals and groups in the world that are shoving innocent dogs into puppy mills and into illegal dog fighting rings every year, just so they can make a few extra bucks.  They torture these animals on a day-to-day basis just because they can.  These animals are never the same.

Man’s best friend?

I think it’s more or less human beings have become “Dog’s worst enemy.”

I’m not saying all people are like this; I’m the proud owner of two vibrant and loving golden retrievers and they would do anything for me.  I would do anything for them.  When I am sick, they lie at my side and lick my face.  When they’re sick, I rub their bellies and hold them, making sure they’re okay.

When I left for college, the hardest part for me was saying goodbye to those two sad, golden faces.

As a matter of fact, my Bella, who was about six months at the time, ran out the door and down the street when I took my last bag to the car.  My Princess, who was seven at the time, refused to even look at me when I walked out the door because she knew I wasn’t coming back.

Dogs have feelings.  Cats have feeling.

All creatures have feelings.

It makes me sick to think of the power human beings have.  You may or may not believe in God, but some divinity of some sort gave human beings power.

And all humans have done is abuse it.

Humans don’t protect anything. Humans kill other humans for sport.  Humans want more and more and are never quite satisfied.

Human beings are like a mutating virus, doing anything to take over.

The Native Americans were viciously killed off and put into reservations where they were treated like garbage.  Why? Because white people thought they had the God-given right to do so.

African Americans were brought to America to be slaves to the white people in the south. Why? Because white people thought they had the right to do so.

Children in Africa are sold into slavery. Why? Because their parents don’t have any money and need some to live.

Women in Africa have been raped, sodomised and genitally mutilated. Why? Because men think they have the right to control women and make them less than human.

The German Nazis killed off most of the Jewish people in Nazi Germany. Why? Because they thought they were doing God’s work.

See a pattern?

What other creature on the planet kills merely for sport?  What other creature on the planet tortures and bullies throughout adolescence? What other creature cares about how much it weighs to attract the opposite sex? What other creature does nothing but crave power?

No other creature acts the way human beings act.

Human beings do nothing but use and abuse their power.  Human beings have become dominant over every creature on this planet.

Eventually, all human beings will destroy each other because that’s all human beings know: destruction.

And dog, cat and any other animal won’t have unnatural enemies.

And I’m sure that divine power will wish he or she gave power to another species.