bartending, Dating, Life Lessons, Women

To Ring, or Not to Ring

“Are you engaged?”
“Yes I am.”
“Do you like your diamond?”
“Yes I do”
“Well I can buy you a bigger one.”

If there is one thing certain about the bar business, it’s that more often than not someone is going to try to hit on the bartender. A female bartender is especially vulnerable because she is generally treated as more of a object of service than a man would be in that position. There’s always someone to contend with. Always.

But where exactly do men draw the line when it comes to hitting on females?

I wear a ring on left ring finger that my boyfriend bought me. It’s a promise ring, not a technical engagement ring. I see it as a promise nonetheless.

But what is surprising is how many other men don’t see it as an obstacle at all.

I work in a small bar called Cougar’s Lounge in my hometown. My mother is the owner of the liquor license and we rent from the hotel that bar is inside of. Working for her is difficult; there are more expectations to live up to when you’re the owner’s daughter. There is more responsibility as well. With that being said, because of the bar’s location being in a hotel, I meet people from all over the world and of different means. I get hit on by men and women, but more men hit on me. I’ve met hundreds of men since I started wearing a ring in January of this year.

There are a few different types of men that hit on me: the respectable man, the man that throws his money around and tries to win me over, the man that threatens my boyfriend with bodily injury, and last but not least, the stalker. I really do not have a lot of respectable men that hit on me. So they really aren’t worth discussing at length. The last three have one thing in common:
The ring doesn’t matter to them.

•The Money Man•
My rings are beautiful and the thought behind them is lovely. I say rings because my boyfriend has bought me three and I’ve worn two for an extended period of time on my ring finger, the latest being my most favorite.

Out of the men that have hit on me, approximately 79% of them have tried the money route. They have promised me a bigger diamond. They have promised me designer purses. They have promised me vacations to foreign countries.

In other words, “My money should be able to buy your love.”

Last time I checked, love wasn’t about money. Also, if a lady is wearing a ring on her ring finger, a man shouldn’t try to weasel his way in. That’s how I was raised. Love is more than the diamond worn on the ring finger.

So why do some men feel that they can degrade such a symbol by promising a bigger one?

I would be speculating but I think it has something to do with them being very insecure with themselves as people, so they flaunt money to attempt to get a woman to be with them.

•The “Punisher”•
One thing I have noticed about the male species is that they are constantly trying to out do one another. Thus, the fighting man comes into play. I would say about 20% of the men that hit on me are violent and try to either: threaten my boyfriend, threaten another guy in the bar or actually fight another guy in the bar.

Once again, the ring means nothing; but they want to prove their worth nonetheless. I have had two guys start fighting each other over who got to talk to me even though I told them I was unavailable. And they asked about the ring too, and I told them what it was…. But still, they didn’t care.

It makes me wonder what these men actually do care about. It makes me wonder how they would feel if they had a woman at home that was constantly getting hounded. Maybe guys don’t think about that, but maybe they do.

•The Stalker
He called for my schedule.

He would drive 1000 miles just to see if I was working.

He told his coworkers he loved me.

Was a serious problem.

Ring or no ring, I feel this 1% would have tried anything and everything humanly possible to be with me. He even made up a relationship that did not exist, except for in his brain that is. It didn’t matter how mean I was toward him or how much I ignored him, this guy was determined to make me his.

It didn’t work and thankfully I haven’t seen him in awhile.

But possession, fantasy…. What wires these types of men?

The fact that they don’t care about the ring on my finger is one thing, the other is that they find pleasure in drinking exorbitant amounts of alcohol. They don’t like being cut off, that much I do know. They have a tendency to get angry and feel betrayed when that happens.

Liquid courage can be a bad thing. I’ve found that most people can radically change when they drink alcohol, especially when they mix various types.

But how don’t they see it?

So, for now I will continue to wear the ring, and continue to try and figure out why some men don’t see it as the symbol it’s supposed to be.

The whole saying “If you like it then put a ring on it” still holds clear in my eyes. The song doesn’t say anything about the size of the ring….

Or that if she already has one you should try a bigger one.



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